Throughout my life I had to learn how to be alone and embrace it, however I realize that this is not the case for most people. In fact one person I recently talked to told me that they can not be alone. First thing that ran through my mind was 'what and how?' and that is a very unhealthy way to live your life! How can you ever find happiness if you don’t even like your own company?
Throughout my life I went through extreme physical and emotional pain. Mostly from surgeries due to my burn injury. This forced me to learn at a young age that people can be hard to trust and be unreliable. Especially when you need them the most. Ultimately I had to learn how to face life alone. Now I love it so much I have a hard time imagining life any other way.
For much of my life I never understood societies perception of being alone. You see someone alone you are taught to think, ‘poor them’, ‘they must be so lonely,’ or that ‘they must not have anyone.’ It is continually portrayed on social media and TV that being alone or being single is bad.
I tried to understand this growing up, I was perpetually single and it seemed like everyone had someone but me. Occasionally I got caught up in this mindset, but later I understood I was on a different path. When the people I trusted and truly believed would be there for me during difficult hardships were not there for me. I experienced real dark loneliness, however I learned how to look myself in the mirror and face it and discovered that loneliness can be worse when you are surrounded around the wrong people.
I began to focus on myself and my freedom, I realized for once in my life I was able to navigate life on my terms! I had the freedom to think for myself and to follow my dreams.
Everyone faces loneliness. We live in a broken world, in this broken world humans are made for relationships. Yet no one knows how to give or receive love.
Often when one experiences loneliness, instead of facing it head on we distract ourselves from it. Alcohol, work, computers, and cell phones are just the beginning. If we aren’t distracting ourselves from mindless consumption we search for distraction in companionship in the wrong people.
The truth is that unless you become okay with being alone, no kind of relationship or thing will fill that void. You have to be content with being alone first.
Here is are some ideas to help you or others that have helped me learn to love to be alone:
- Do things alone
By doing things alone and watching others behavior you learn that everyone faces their own sonder. Go to the movies alone, a walk, go on a spontaneous trip! When I lived in Colorado I could not get someones schedule to line up with mine so I went on a trip to Pikes Peak and Colorado Springs by myself and had a blast!
- Find your own identity
Finding your own passions and parts of you is important to have your own identity and find purpose in this world
Just sit and write what is on your mind. Free from judgement and it will help you face your thoughts and get things out in a safe way
- Sit in silence
Most people are unable to sit alone for one hour. Can you sit alone with yourself for one hour and be content?
- Avoid mindless consumption
Scrolling through newsfeed, yes we are all guilty, but can you schedule some time away from it all?
- Make plans and act on them
Create goals and do them. You will feel a huge sense of accomplishment when completed!
- Volunteer, get involved!
Give back and give love to the community
- Travel! Explore the world.
Even if you are just exploring your own state or town, there is always new places to be explored
I encourage you to enter into it and embrace it! Even if it is just finding a couple of minutes of quiet time by yourself! That little bit will pay off. Learning to be alone is one of the most valuable lesson you can learn. It allows you to learn know yourself fully and appreciate and embrace solitude.