As I put my mask up to my face, I nearly fell to the ground as an unpleasant memory appeared uncontrollably into my head. I recall the feeling of the anesthesia mask on my face as I lay flat on the operating room table. I breathe in and out slowly as my body becomes tingly and numb. Masks all around, voices saying things I can’t distinguish or make sense of. I can’t make out their faces. All I know is pain is coming. I fell to the ground just as though I was going under anesthesia. Then masks all around me holding my body down; I am screaming, yelling, hitting at them to try and make it stop. They’re holding me down, sticking me with a needle, I have no strength to fight anymore. I lay there frozen, eyes fully wide, screaming inside but they can no longer hear me as they cut and manipulate my body. I again feel the physical pain the masked face implemented to my body before.
When I go to put on my mask, or see others in masks I know my memories associated with masks are not my current reality. Rationally I understand the reasons for masks and the importance of masks to prevent the spread of coronavirus, but my body and nervous system knows something different. Keeping me restricted to the safety of my home, animals and few trusted people. This is because our nervous systems when “triggered” doesn't listen to logical or rational reasoning, all it knows is what it has to do to survive - survival mode - fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
I know I am not the only one that masks have triggered and brought things up from the past, often a past one thought they moved on from or even healed from; domestic abuse survivors, war survivors, and people who have been robbed or assaulted. Not being able to escape the masks have brought up a lot of emotions and body reactions for a lot of people, even those without a trauma history. This is because seeing others in masks can trigger unsettling emotions as we are not able to distinguish facial expressions to help us calm our nervous system and often trauma occurs when we are unable to see someone’s face. Then when we can’t receive those signals our body’s automatic reaction is to go into survival mode in order to protect us from a potential threat.
“To survive and thrive, we must be able to distinguish friend from foe, know when a situation is safe or dangerous … and without it, we are prone to misinterpret safety as a threat” (Porges, 2011, p. xiv). This is our “new normal” for now, so how do we move forward if masks have a much deeper meaning to us? And/or are triggering deep emotions? How do we survive and continue to thrive in this “new normal?”
Here are things that have helped me to live as a survivor, even when masks have a much deeper meaning to me.
Recognize and acknowledge the feelings and emotions
Identify what emotions are coming up. Where do you feel the emotion in your body? What does the emotion make you want to do?
Show compassion and be kind to yourself and others
Recognize that these are difficult and unique times. Forgive yourself and others, be compassionate, gentle and kind toward everyone going through unique difficulties and challenges.
Set boundaries with yourself and others to stay safe and keep the feeling of being safe
Feeling safe is a challenge right now as every person can be seen as a potential threat that could cause us to get coronavirus. This causes us to go into hyper-vigilance and also take extensive measures to protect ourselves. Set physical boundaries with what you allow in your life (and also be protective of others), and also emotional and mental boundaries on what you listen to and surround yourself with.
Practice relaxation techniques
When you are always on edge and feeling unsafe or unsettled, it is important to take time for yourself to relax. Some suggestions are stretch, ground yourself (find a color in a room or walk), go for a hike, cuddle with an animal, listen to music, or take a warm bath.
Affirmations
Control your self-talk. You may not be able to control the emotions (and triggered trauma) but you can control your self-talk. Some helpful affirmations I repeat to myself daily are; “I am safe,” “I am loved,” “self-love will help me heal,” “there are good safe people,” “no one can minimize what happened to me,” “my emotions are valid,” “I am strong” and “What happened to me has made me into who I am but it doesn’t define me.”
Decorate your mask, and limit the time you wear one or are exposed to masks
If a look or feel of a specific type of mask triggers different emotions or the discomfort is making it hard to function, try different kinds with different type of decoration and feel to see what will help you be most comfortable.
Seek professional help
Lastly, you can’t process unresolved trauma on your own in the midst of a new trauma. Seek professional guidance to help you process, heal and develop healthy coping mechanisms so that you can live your best life.
References:
Porges, S. 2011. The Polyvagal Theory. Neurophysiological Foundation of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation. New York, NY: W.W. Norton & Company.