I have learned a lot in my life so far. I have no regrets and would not change the past. Still if I wrote a letter of lessons I have learned throughout my life and give advice to my younger self, here is what I would tell myself.
Here is 21 things I would tell my younger self:
You don’t have to tell anyone anything you don’t want to. You don’t need to explain yourself to be understood, loved and accepted, but know that vulnerability does allow you to connect with others on a deeper more intimate level.
You don’t need to be so afraid of love. Love isn’t conditional and only equate pain and all the bad things you grew up believing it was. Living a life filled with love is necessary to thrive and heal.
Everyone is hurting in their own way. Always be gentle and kind to others.
Your feelings are valid and anyone who tries to convince you that they aren’t is either uncomfortable with them or gaslighting/manipulating you.
It is okay for the pain in your life to affect you, being strong doesn’t mean ignoring that the pain exists all together. In fact life’s greatest lessons come from pain and acknowledging that it is okay for it to affect you only gives you more strength.
You don’t have to be strong all the time. Strength comes from knowing when to ask for help because it is too heavy to carry on your own.
If you are questioning yourself you are most likely being manipulated or because someone else has tried to tell you how to live your life. Trust yourself and follow your instinct. It is never wrong.
There is nothing wrong with you. Just because the doctors are always telling you the things that are wrong with you and that you need another surgery to be ‘fixed,’ and that you don’t fit into the crowd or fit into the stereotypes on how to live your life does not mean there is anything wrong with you. You are enough just the way you are.
There will be times you want to talk about things to verbally process them but it only turns into complaining - don’t give into the toxicity of complaining. If you find yourself complaining, make a change or leave the situation or find someone that can help you actually help you process what you are feeling in a healthy way.
The people you want in your life and the people who are supposed to be in your life aren’t always the same. Learn to recognize the difference.
The people that hurt you are not the ones that can help you heal, stop looking for that in them.
Don’t force things. You are used to pushing yourself to achieve all of the things that seem to come easily for most people, but there will come a time when this will no longer benefit. Everything happens on it’s own timeline. Trust the process and timing and don’t try to force things.
A kiss can mean or feel like nothing; it can feel amazing; or it can feel totally wrong - trust the feelings that come with it (life is not like the movies).
At some point you will start to remember all the bad things that have happened to you. During this time people around you will invalidate it, try to make you feel bad, and make you question yourself. Deep down you know what is happening, you are not being dramatic or too much. You know you are remembering your truth - trust this and don’t try to push it back in deeper inside of you, the memories will come out whether you want them to or not.
Protect your peace. It is the most valuable thing you have that will lead you to happiness.
Listen to what your body and intuition is telling you. You’ve been conditioned to ‘push past your suffering’ and what your body is telling you so much throughout your life. This may help you survive in the moment but to truly live and thrive you need to be in tune to what your body is telling you. If food makes you feel off - adapt. If you feel anxious, it is because your body is telling you something and you aren’t listening. Your body and intuition is never wrong. Listen to it.
You are your own unique person, you are enough and independently worthy on your own and don’t need a man. When your peers are developing relationships you are going to feel like an outsider that you don’t have (or want that), this is okay and continue to live your best life.
You have had your boundaries pushed so much as a survivor. Learn to recognize you have needs that deserve to be listened to and respected. Don’t let others push them, your self-care needs to be a priority in order for you to live your best life and not be continually limited by your burn injury.
Never let anyone tell you who you are and what you can and cannot do. You don’t need to always prove others wrong to have value and worth. You are enough, you don’t have to pass all these mile markers that other people have set for you. Live a ‘you’ centered life, and don’t be afraid to let your goofy, happy and confident side shine through more. I know you are shy to protect yourself but that other side of you is beautiful, loving and has so much to give the world. Always be your authentic self.
People are going to try to tell you who you are and what your story is. You are the writer of your own story, no one else can write it but you. It can feel exhausting when people try to control the narrative or take ownership of your story, continue to stay strong in your truth and don’t let them.
Your burn injury can be your greatest strength or weakness - you get to decide.